


the fear of what wasn't

by aesphantasmal



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angst, M/M, Other, based on a post by sarah captain-aurinko, depends on your perspective really, hurt/...comfort???, post shadows on the ship, sarah if youre reading this i love you, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24779758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aesphantasmal/pseuds/aesphantasmal
Summary: Juno knew, really, that this thing wasn't Nureyev.(birthday fic for captain-aurinko!)
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 24
Kudos: 113





	the fear of what wasn't

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Captain_Aurinko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Aurinko/gifts).



> a week ago, it was my birthday, and sarah captain-aurinko wrote a beautiful non angsty fic for me. now it's her birthday, so vibe check!  
> based on [ this post](https://captain-aurinko.tumblr.com/post/615036524827918336/awful-painful-concept-for-shadows-on-the)  
> this doesn't directly involve events from muocj part 2, but it reads different if youve listened to it

Juno paced backwards and forwards in the brig. He knew Vespa didn’t want to believe he’d seen Buddy. He didn't want to believe she’d seen Nureyev. But what they did and didn’t want to believe was irrelevant, and he wasn’t exactly going to be any help locked up in here.

He tried to count the seconds, trying to keep track of how much time had passed, since Vespa had taken his comms off of him. It was — based on his attempts to count — somewhere between fifteen minutes and ten hours in when he heard footsteps approaching.

“Vespa?” he almost called out, before realising under the circumstances that might be a terrible idea. So, he listened to the footsteps. Too fast moving for Vespa’s shorter stride. Too light to be Jet’s, too. Before he could make any further movement, decide on any further course of action, he heard a knock on the door.

“Juno?”

He froze. That was  _ definitely _ Nureyev’s voice. 

For a brief, idiotic moment, Juno felt a wave of relief wash over him. He almost called out to him, until reality slammed back into him with the force of a pissed off sewer rabbit. Before he did anything, Nureyev spoke again.

“Juno, dear, are you alright? There was a struggle. Jet took the intruder down, and freed the rest of us, and he informed us that you were in the brig, so I came as quickly as I could.”

Juno knew, really, that this couldn’t be Nureyev. Nureyev’s leg was broken, and even if it hadn’t been, he wouldn't have been able to hear Nureyev’s footsteps from the other side of the brig wall if he wasn’t wearing high heels. Nureyev moved so quietly that he caught Juno off guard more often than he’d care to admit. But still, he thought about responding, because hearing Nureyev’s voice asking him if he was alright when he was on edge was comforting for the split second before he remembered what was really going on and felt like vomiting.

He stayed completely still until the moment where he heard the  _ beep _ of the keycard for the brig, and the door slid open. Nureyev’s tall frame blocked the door, and he had closed the door behind him before Juno could even react. 

“Hey, Ransom,” Juno said, trying to buy himself time. Vespa had taken his blaster, and that left Juno with only one way to try and take down the bot.

“Is everyone else alright? We should really check on them.”

“Everyone else is alright. Some minor injuries, but not much beyond that. I’m more concerned about you, Juno.” Whatever this  _ thing  _ that was wearing Nureyev’s face was, it wasn’t taking its eyes off of Juno’s. Juno couldn’t bring himself to look it in the face and see the eyes of the man he loves staring back at him.

“Really, I’m fine. We should go find the others.” Juno started walking towards the door. He had taken maybe two steps before Nureyev grabbed his wrist with painful force.

“Juno —” His voice was still gentle, and even as Juno grit his teeth in pain, he felt his hand shake as he tried to curl it into a fist. He needed to not be looking at the thing wearing Nureyev's face while he was trying not to get drugged by it. But, as its grip tightened further still, Juno mentally shook himself. He couldn't just let himself be taken out like this. He balled his free hand into a fist and punched Nureyev in the face. He didn’t even flinch when Juno’s fist connected with his jaw. He simply pulled Juno’s hand away from his face with ease, and Juno heard a drilling sound, then saw a needle emerging from an opening in the  _ thing's  _ palm. He felt it stabbing into his arm, then a coldness in his veins. The world around him began to fade to black, and the last thing he saw was Nureyev's sharpened smile before he heard nothing at all.

* * *

After everything — the crash landing, being pulled out of the water, waking up on the beach, Vespa telling them what had happened, Buddy organising a family meeting to talk through what had happened — it was a while before Juno found himself alone with Nureyev.

It was as they were dispersing after the family meeting. Before Juno could return to his room, he heard Nureyev say his name, quietly, like he didn't want anyone but Juno to hear.

"Juno, dear?"

"Yes?"

"Would you mind accompanying me to my room, if you don't have anything you need to do?"

Juno's first instinct was to hesitate. There was a moment of trepidation at being alone with Nureyev again, after the bot attacked. He had to take a moment to rationalise, to remind himself that the bot was lying in a wreck near the Carte Blanche, that Nureyev wouldn't hurt him. Then, he realised what Nureyev was asking. The last time Nureyev had been left on his own, he had been attacked by the bot. So, Juno nodded, and they went to Nureyev's room. 

Other members of the crew, Juno guessed, would probably assume Nureyev's room had been significantly disturbed by the crash, though the structure appeared to be intact. A few months ago, Juno may have made the same assumption, but he knew better now. Years of moving from place to place, rarely spending more than a few days sleeping in the same room, had left Nureyev somewhat lacking in tidying or organisational skills. It was a familiar mess, at this point. Nureyev carefully picked his way across the floor to the bed while Juno kicked clothes and tools across the floor to make a path.

"Guessing I can't convince you to stop living out of a suitcase and put your shit in the drawers?"

"I'm not exactly in an ideal state for cleaning my room, Juno," Nureyev said. "Besides, you never know what might happen."

"So sue me, I'm worried about you trying to get around the room on a broken leg." He grabbed a shirt and threw it onto Nureyev's desk chair. Hey, Juno never claimed to be  _ tidy,  _ just neater than Nureyev.

"You don't need to do that, Juno."

"Well, I'm doing it anyway." Juno threw a few more clothes onto the chair. 

"Oh, what would I ever do without you?" Nureyev said, sarcastically but fondly.

"Suffocate under a clothes pile, probably."

"Oh, you're exaggerating."

"Am I?" Juno pulled a large sheet of paper out from the middle of a different pile of clothes. "What's this, the floor plan for the President of Venus' mansion?"

Nureyev leaned over to look at it. "Mercury, actually. It's useful to have these things, Juno. Just in case." Juno rolled his eyes and 

"Hey, did I ever tell you about the time Valles Vicky made me mug the President of Venus?"

"Oh?" Nureyev raised an eyebrow. "Tell me more."

"Yeah, it was — so, I owed Vicky enough creds to buy a major Hyperion political position, and — Ow! Fuck!" Juno felt a sudden pain in his toe as it connected with something solid and heavy on the floor. He leaned on the desk, still swearing under his breath until the pain dissipated.

“Juno?” Nureyev said, extending a hand.

Juno didn't mean to do it, but in the split second where Nureyev was reaching out towards him, Juno felt himself flinch. It was instinctive. A momentary twitch. But he knew as soon as it happened that Nureyev had seen it. For a moment, he looked confused and hurt, and Juno felt shame and anger at himself flare up. Nureyev wouldn't hurt him. "Shit, Nureyev, I'm sorry —"

“Juno, dear —” Nureyev withdrew his hand. “No need to apologise, I — Juno, what’s wrong?”

“I…” Juno stared at Nureyev for a few seconds. His expression had shifted to one of concern. It sat strangely on his features, showing the wrinkles he tried so hard to hide. Juno took a deep breath. “When the… whatever that...  _ bot thing _ was attacked me…“

“...It did so looking like me?” Juno nodded.

He could tell Nureyev wanted to reach out to him, to offer some kind of comfort. He knew if he reached out for it, that comfort would be freely given, that he could bury his face in Nureyev’s shirt and hold on as tight as he dared and Nureyev would hold him back, whisper comforting words in his ear. But some part of Juno kept him where he was.

“If you want to be alone — or not around me, at least — right now, I understand.”

“No, I want to stay. “ He managed to force his body to move, to sit down on the bed next to Nureyev. Nureyev’s hand was resting on the bed next to him, and, with only a moment’s hesitation, Juno reached out and laced his fingers with Nureyev’s.

“I know you wouldn’t hurt me, Nureyev, don’t worry. Got over that one a while ago.” Juno laughed weakly. “Probably could have done with getting over it quicker.”

"Perhaps." Nureyev said. His tone was a little distracted, like he was half focused on something else.

"Nureyev?"

"Yes?"

"You ok? Is something wrong?"

Nureyev smiled, briefly, and squeezed Juno's hand "It's nothing you need to worry about, Juno, darling." He paused briefly, then said "Juno?"

"Yes?"

"You know I love you?"

"'Course I do, Nureyev." He leaned over and gave him a brief kiss. "Love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> comment or else


End file.
